So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
