omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
