my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
