I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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