I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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