she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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