Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
