So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
