i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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