no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he thought i was a dude.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
