I can text with my tongue
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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