capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
