I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
