I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
