dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
