Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
