no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Damn victory sex feels great
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
