Heybabeimwearingurpanties
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
