I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
