I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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