ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
