He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
