I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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