You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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