im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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