I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
