I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
