i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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