i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
