he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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