Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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