turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
