Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
