I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
