and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
