He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
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