I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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