my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
