the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
