This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
