trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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