I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
