You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
