I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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