yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
