Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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