What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
