I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
