Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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