Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just cropdusted the office
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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