I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
