someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
